You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
