??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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