How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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