btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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