PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
