I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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