i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
