dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
