Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
tell me about the fingering
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
