You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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