My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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