I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
