I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
