What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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