I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
