69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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