she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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