FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
