guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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