Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
