my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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