He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
