You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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