he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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