Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
