i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
