I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
