If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
