she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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