last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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