Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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