glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He better not be in your backpack
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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