Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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