She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just want to make out with him forever
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
