i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize