why didn't you poke me back
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
