My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
