Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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