Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can I color on your dick again?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
