do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
