Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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