fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
