maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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