I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
