Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
