so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
