I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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