Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
