There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
