i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
