your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
