I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
