I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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