I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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