were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
