I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My pussy is not your playground.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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