Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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