We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Someone shattered a urinal.
We have started to decorate penises.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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