I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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