To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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