That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
