sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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