i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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