can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
