Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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