my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
