how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
