Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
