I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
