my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He has the fingertips of a God
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
